teenager no more.. but still disturbed..

i hate this..

2007-03-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

everything is still the same.

im still the same old thea.. still repressed. a prisoner of my own inability to break free.

im tired really -- im tired of fighting them. they are like these twin towers that can't be crushed down, even by a really huge plane like me. i've tried you know.

im tired of trying.. so tired.

i thought i was tired of being tired, but there is still some tiredness left in me.

ive exhausted every word, scream, tear, every drop of blood that's in me.

and i don't think i can last much longer.

what if i don't want to last..

2006-02-06T00:24:00.000-08:00

vanity is nice, especially when you're single.. haha!

is 2006 for real?!

2006-01-25T02:07:00.000-08:00

ohmigod. it's like im really blessed this year. I know the year is just starting, but it has been fantastic so far. I'm meeting new people and enjoying this phase in my life!! And it's really fun! hahaha! shit, this is the life.

sinimulan ng alak

2006-01-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

dahil sa alak.. nging si trish at odie. ang galing. meron p pla tlgang matiyagang lalaki na nanliligaw ngayon sa panahon naten. odie, boi, saludo ako sau tlga! biruin mong siyam na buwan na niligawan ang lab op his layp nya ngayon na si trisha prettiness! ahahaha! galing tlga! oist, ngayon lng ulit ata ako ng-blog. first time for 2006! hai, anu bah? dapat mgka-bf nko ngayong taon! potah! kakairita n ha! hndi ko n alam ggwin ko. sabi nla, mgpka-gurl n dw kc ako! sbi nman ng iba, wag mong baguhin ang sarili mo based sa mga cnsabi nla! anu b tlga? sa totoo lang, hndi nman ako ngbago eh! may mga days nga lng na feel kong mgpka-switah at mg-dangling earrings! haha! hindi ko lng tlga carry ang high heels! stilettos are not for me! hahaha! well, moki, if you're reading this.. bagong taon, bagong buhay. bagong damit, bagong pabango. bagong lalaki, bagong pag-ibig. ganon lang! pero don't rush into anything.. bka matanga nnman tayo nyan! ahahaha!
basta, ayos sana ang taong ito. un lng. piz!

oh happy day!

2005-12-13T02:29:00.000-08:00

I'm happy! it's all good, boi! masaya tlga ang buhay! ngayon ko lang na-experience toh! and i'm going to keep on doing it with "my humps" running through my head! hahaha!

schizo?!

2005-11-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

puta ka kasi! bakit kasi pinaabot mo sa ganon? sino ngayon ang nagsisisi?!
eh masaya ako non eh! natuwa ako kasi nga lagi kong kasama chka inaalagaan nman ako..
tanga! inaalagaan ka ba sa lagay na yon? tanga ka tlga! hindi ka na natuto!
oo na, wag nang idiin.. masakit na nga eh.. pinapamukha pa eh..
eh kasi naman, naiwasan sana eh.. hindi ka sana nasaktan. diba? tanga ka lang talaga!
wala na nga akong magagawa don. nangyare na eh! kakalimutan nlng ang mga dapat kalimutan.. gago pala siya eh! wala siyang kwenta. hindi siya ganon kagaling para magpakabaliw ako sa kanya.. kaya ko to. tapos na nga eh!
sige ah, sabi mo yan.. pag ikaw nwindang pag nakita mo siya sa pasukan..
hindi ako mwiwindang! tama na ung ilang linggo akong depressed. tapos na. im getting on with my life na. sabi nga ni switah: "next pls. mahaba ang pila!"

control means no pain

2005-10-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

basagin mo mukha nya. yon ang sabi ng kebigan ko. wag mong ipahiya sarili mo sa kanya. unahin mo sarili mo..

tama naman ung kebigan ko eh. tanga lang tlga ako.

hindi dapat pinapakita ang desperasyon. lalo na kung hindi deserving ung tao.
kagabi, gusto kita makasama. wala namang ibang hadlang.. pwedeng pwede sana kita makasama..

kaso sabi mo, ayaw mo. kasi nagdesisyon ka na at final yon. tigas mo ah, bilib ako sa tatag mo.

kung dati, ako ang nangungulit.. boi, iba na ngayon. sasabog tae mo saken, hindi ka mapapakali.. pahihirapan muna kita bago mo makuha ang gusto mo.. ulol ka, ako dati ung naloloka.. it's your turn now..

at kapag hindi ko nakita ung gusto ko.. kapag hindi mo na-prove ung mga sinasabi mo.. then the hell with you!!

bata pa ako.. marami pa akong makikilala..
hindi ikaw ang anak ng diyos.. ako!

ako ang magaling.. kaya humanda ka.

2005-09-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

masakit din pala..

alam mo, hindi ko ginustong mangyare toh. nagsimula sa inuman, nauwi sa sakitan. akala mo ba, hindi mahirap sakin?

gurl, im sorry. pero i love him. i do. i know u love him pero putang ina naman..

basta. masaya ako ngayon. pwede pa lang masaktan at maging masaya at the same time? galing noh?

nagpapakatanga nanaman ako...

can I have the ball?

2005-08-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

that was what I wanted to say to the other team's players. I was getting tired and I can't breathe already because of too much smoking during the day. I wasn't supposed to play tonight but heck, I wanted to hurt somebody.. anybody. I wanted to release the anger and frustration.. I thought a game of Bball would do that for me. Tapal like hell, tisod like crazy and push hard like there's no tomorrow. Even though my boobs got elbowed, I felt the satisfaction when I rolled over that girl. Yabang eh! Pagandahan nlang! Bisugo! hehe.. nweiz.. I didn't shoot any basket or didn't even handle the ball.. I just pushed, jumped, scraped, slapped, blocked.. in short.. I destroyed.

And it felt so good. I was the one hurting someone for a change.

thank you, junel..

2005-08-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

ayoko nang lagyan ng arte ung title. un nman tlga ung gusto ko sabihin. sa mga panahong hindi ko mahagilap si rav (sha nman tlga bestfrend ko..) at totally depressed ako, sa walang humpay na pagtitiwala, sa pagpapasaya sakin pag may mga nakikita akong ayaw ko talagang makita, sa pagtabi sakin sa pagtulog sa NG dati, sa pagluluto ng mga masasarap na pagkain, sa pagpapayosi, sa pagpapahiram ng shirt at shorts, sa pagiintindi at sa pagpukpok sakin sa pagaaral.. salamat. sa ngayon, tayong dalawa lang ang nagkakaintindihan.. sabi mo nga, kilala na kita. kaya kita kilala kasi nagpakilala ka sakin.. pinayagan mo akong makilala ka, at para don, salamat.. sobrang lumilipad ang puso ko pag ako yung tinatawag mo pag may problema ka, kasi kahit papano, nararamdaman kong importante ako sa isang "junel". pakiramdam ko, mahal mo na ko. nag-aassume ako, oo, pero kung dun ko lang mapaparamdam ang kasiyahan ng pagiging kaibigan mo, sana habang buhay na akong mag-assume. hindi mo na kailangang mag-assume kasi, oo, mahal kita. ang gaan ng feeling pag ikaw kausap ko, parang wala akong maitatago sayo.. at para dun, salamat. at kahit mwala ako sa LB, patuloy mo akong magiging kaibigan, patuloy akong mag-aasume. dahil sa ating dalawa, hindi lang apat na taon ang pagkakaibigan. mahal kita junel. sana wag mong kakalimutan na andito lang ako. salamat.

ano bah!!

2005-08-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

tangna, wla lng. mglalabas lng ulit ng disappointments d2 sa blog. bakit b kasi ganon? lagi nlng.. may makikilala ako, sobrang ok. as in sumaya ako for a night dhil nkilala ko sha. well, oo, masaya nman ung araw na un, pero hndi ako nkatulog tlga. tapos ngaun, akala ko may chance na mkasama ko sha ng khit isang gabi lng.. hindi pa sha magpapramdam. tangna, bkit gnon? akala ko.. may reason n ulit para sumaya ako.. ung tipong excited ako sa paggising ko kc baka may text sha or bka mgkita kami this week.. ung gnon.. hehe. sobrang out of my league nga cguro. shet. ganito nlng ba lagi? potah. la lng, at dhil jan, iinom ako like hell tonight. as in borlog.. kebs ko ng maubos pera ko!! tangna!

in this diary

2005-07-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

here in this diary
i write you visions of my summer
it was the best i ever had
there were chorus's and sing alongs
and that is spoken feeling
and knowing that right now is all that matters
all the nights we stayed up talking listening to 80's songs
and quoting lots from all those movies that we love
it still brings a smile to my face
i guess when it comes down to it

being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up
these are the best days of our lives
the only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right

breaking into hotels swimming pools and reaking havok on our world
hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time
the black tops singing made to sweet lighting fireworks in parking lots
it'd luminate the blackest nights
cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky
2015 river side its time to say goodbye
get on the bus
its time to go

getting hungry..

2005-07-07T03:09:00.000-07:00

I'm hungry.. gusto ko ng chicken sandwich.

pero hindi lang sa chicken sandwich natatapos ang gutom ko.
i'm hungry for more..

more than what im getting right now.
I hope you could be that person who could feed me.

i just hope.. wala namang masama don, diba?

beqi..

2005-06-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

miss ko na bestfriend ko. ikaw p rin kaya un? ako p rin kaya un para sau? bnasa ko ung mga letters nten nung highschool.. na-realize ko na hindi n pla tulad ng dati ung sitwasyon nten ngaun. u have new friends, i have mine, too.. pero the fact nlng na hindi mko naaalala kahit isang beses sa isang araw.. masakit. pero cguro kailangang masanay.. gnito na tlga cguro tayo. good luck nlng sa buhay m, beqi.. alam kong nanjan k pren nman, pu2nta sa bahay, mangu2musta.. pero c EA nlng un, hindi na c Beqi ko. wala na si beqi, iniwan nako..

to boo with so much angst

2005-06-10T01:07:00.000-07:00

Warning, wag dibdibin, ok? matagal na toh, dpat dati ko pa pinost pero nsa diskette lng. hehe.. enjoy the angst, people!

I hate you so much. You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to me. I can’t take it. I can’t think straight when I’m talking to you. I feel so stupid and useless. You disagree with every fucking thing that I say and that really hurts. It’s like you’re proving to me that you are great and almighty. Yeah, right! You fucking idiot! You even had to say things that you didn’t really mean and do things that you couldn’t really handle. You don’t know how to face the consequences and for that, you are not that great. And why is it all about you? Fuck you! It just pisses me off because although I’m aware of how foolish and insipid I am in your eyes, I still can’t do anything about the way you’re treating me. It’s like, you only see me when you want to have a smoke or when you want a massage. You only need me because there’s no one else to need. You only call out my name when you’re hungry and I’m the only one who is stupid enough to give in and go to the store. You are one big dilemma with no resolutions. You screw everything up. You screw me up. Instead of being an inspiration, you actually make me sick of going to school because it means that I have to see your beautiful face again. Shit! What do I have to do to make you love me? As in, really love me. I want you to love me, to be with me. I want you to ask me where I’m going, to drop me off at the dorm, to play the guitar for me and to just simply but ultimately love me. Even for just a day, just one fucking day. One day. Damn, you are great. You really are. And I love you too much.

whoa... amber is the color of your energy..

2005-05-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

hahaha! nag-bulletin post si marc abaya! he's so hot! he's just sending out invites to his gig with juan dela cruz band. lourd de veyra is also gonna be there! haha. wish ko lang makapunta ako, db? hmpf. un lang. that post alone made my day. ahahaha!

sigh.

2005-05-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

I want my LB life!

I want my LB life!

I want my LB life!!!

2005-05-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

this life is full of shit! I never get to do what I want! it's so fucking frustrating! oo, eto nanaman ako, naglalabas ng angst sa blog. hindi kasi ako pwedeng maglabas ng angst sa ibang tao, i mean, particularly, sa kanila. baka ano pang masabi nila! kesho wala daw akong karapatang magreklamo. eh tangna, pinagaral nila ako sa isang place na walang itinuro sakin kundi to speak out and stand up for myself tpos sasabihin nila na wala ako sa posisyon na magsalita?! gago pala sila eh! sino bang naaapektuhan, hndi ba ako?! leche kayo, pagkatapos kong tiisin ang highschool ko na kulong sa bahay, hanggang ngayon pa rin ba?! galit ako. oo, sobra! walang makakaalis ng galit ko ngayon sa inyo. oo, leche kayo sa buhay ko! pwede ba? just fuck off!!!!

to boo with love

2005-03-02T02:39:00.000-08:00

the greatest grief is finding happiness in the past
it feels good to be rejected because then you know that what you aspire for is of value
into love and out again, thus i went and thus i go
kung gusto may paraan. kung ayaw, ang daming dahilan
alone. bitter. pathetic. single. loser. alone.

grabe! kaya ko pa kaya, boi? tanga ka kasi!

lagi na lang..

2005-02-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

why am i always wrong about things? akala ko skanya pa rin, pero wala nman ngyare. nagsayang lang ata ako ng load at panahon. edi sana nanjackson na ko ng iba nung mga time na un! hmpf.

for a certain someone who is not as stupid as ___, but still, stupid enough not to SEE me:
tanga ka rin! andito lang ako! kung cno2 pah hnahanap mo! gago ka! leche!

sa'yo pa rin pala.

2005-01-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

sa kanya pa rin babalik, sigaw ng damdamin.

sa kanya pa rin sasaya, bulong ng puso ko..
kung buhay pa ang alaala ng ating pagmamahal

ang pagmamahal at panahon, alay pa rin sa kanya..

the most wonderful, bitter feeling..

2005-01-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

i had the best christmas break ever! honest!

i almost didn't want it to end.. to the point that i totally ignored my school works. sorry ma'am amy and sir gene!
u know, it's true that u don't know how much something means to you until it disappears.. i hope i didn't make anybody feel left out or hurt last year.
i don't want to lose any body, it's going to be too much if i let that happen.

my cousin almost died yesterday, she and a friend went out at 7pm and got held up by a punk-ass guy. he took a gun out and pointed it to my cousin. all he got was a celfone.

now im wondering why the hell did that happen to her? why can't it happen to me?

para toh seño, mga tol..

2004-12-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

pare, meron akong problema. wag mong sabihing "na naman". In luv (ata..) ako sa isang kolehiyala (harhar!). ndi ko maintindihan. wag na nating idaan sa moboteng usapan, lalo lang madaragdagan ang sakit ng ulo at bilbil sa tiyan. anong sarap, kami'y naging magkaibigan. napuno ako ng pag-asa.. yun pala hanggang dun lang ang kaya.. akala ko ay pwede pa. masakit mang isipin, kailangang tanggapin. kung kelan ka naging seryoso, chka ka niya gagaguhin. jusko, ano ba naman toh. di ba? tangina, nagmukha akong tanga. pinaasa niya lang ako (hndi nmn mshado pero gnon nren..). lecheng pag-ibig toh. jusko, ano ba naman toh?! sabi niya ayaw niya munang magkasyota.. dehins ako naniwala. di nagtagal naging ganun na rin ang tema.. kulang na lang ay sagot niya. bat ba ang labo niya?! di ko mapinta!! hanggang kelan maghihintay?!? ako ay nabuburat na.. pero minamahal ko siya. di biro, T.L. (hah? gnon b un?!) ako sa kanya. alam kong nababaduyan ka na sa mga sinasabi ko (senxa na, tol!) pero sana naman ay maintindihan mo. pare, meron ka bang maipapayo? kung wala ay okey lang.. kailangan lang ay ang iyong pakikiramay.. andito ka ay ayos na.

salamat sa lahat, pare! labyu! merry xmas and happy new year! ;()

new year: more pain for me..

2004-12-22T02:18:00.000-08:00

putang ina!! haha.. this is why i hate playaz.. i hate it when i get played..

haha! here i go, scream my lungs out, try to get to you..
you are my only one.

I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do.. you are my only one..

This is it. I have to face my fears.. huh. i can do this..

"kung kelan ka naging seryoso, saka ka nya gagaguhin..
o diyos ko, ano ba naman ito, diba,
tangina, nagmukha akong tanga.."

after all you've put me through..
still, i can't give it all up......... char!

getting a little bit jealous..

2004-11-23T21:37:00.000-08:00

Quiero decirle que le amo, pero estoy con miedo que usted pudiera conseguir la impresión incorrecta.. Voy a echarle de menos después de que usted termina la carrera. Por favor no olvide de mí..
__________________________________________________________________

I want to tell you that I love you, but I'm afraid that you might get the wrong impression.. I'm going to miss you after you graduate. Please don't forget about me..

'stig..

2004-11-23T05:22:00.000-08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

bitterness..

2004-11-10T01:26:00.000-08:00

Bumaba ako sa jeepney
Kung saan tayo'y dating magkatabi
Magkahalik ang pisngi nating dalwa
Nating dalawa

Panyo mo sa aking bulsa
Ang amoy mo'y naroon pa rin
Tawa nati'y humahalay sa init nating dalawa

Subalit ngayo'y wala na
Ikaw ay lumayo na

Naaalala ko ang mga gabing nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan
Naaalala ko ang mga gabing magkatabi sa ulan

Kulay nang iyong ngiti
Tikwas ng iyong buhok
At ang lambot ng iyong labi
Iyong labi

Kahit anino mo sa malayo
Ay nais masulyapan
Upang mapawi
Ang lamig

einj, are u for real?

2004-11-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

e2.. i missed you.. 220 un.. and maybe i still love you..

pero, the thought of being with you again.. i can't stand the pressure.

marami mddamay.. marami maaapektuhan.. gets mo?

sori, einj.. kelangn ko lng sbihin.. alam kong wla kng cnsbi.. pero i know u too well para hndi mkaramdam..

peace tau.. ;()

welcome back, mga dyosa..

2004-11-09T03:52:00.000-08:00

wow.. and2 nnman tau.. mtapos ang ilang linggong tulog at kain..

aral nnman! magtino na ang mga delinquents..
para sa mga hindi bumalik o balak umalis.. lols kau! mamimiss nyo kami! harhar!

obscure.

2004-10-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

what shud i do?... just lay next to you..? char.
yeah, im bored.. to the point that i actually enjoy lying in my bed..

i hear the clock tick and i think of you... char.
to my friends.. help me. i really don't know what to do with baby gurl..

i think im gonna die even before i get to drink till i drop dead..
she's killing me.. bit by fucking bit..

now she won't even let me go on a sembreak getaway with my friends..
tangna.

potah.
pakshet.
punyeta.

sigh.

not allowed to be a part of me..

2004-10-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

go on, make me feel it's useless..
well, in fact it's you who needs to have me here..

isigaw mo sa hangin
tumindig at magsilbing..
liwanag sa dilim

it's over..

with 311 in my ears

2004-10-06T05:57:00.000-07:00

yah.. i know, pa-switah ang font.. pero trip ko eh! pake mo!

i was about to lose hope.. bglang ng-online ung friend ko.. kala ko mtu2log akong bad trip eh..
wala lng.. inis nko sa srili ko..

wala akong control sa buhay ko.. and that fact.. really sucks.

bad trip. yoko na.. tntmad nko..

the ideology of me

2004-10-05T04:42:00.000-07:00

Who am i?

i'm spiderman.. char.
I have so many things to do this week, pero half of them are done. after this, i'm going to enjoy myself.. as in.. sobra!

I feel bored.. well, ganito nman ako lagi. nangangarag kpag pasahan na the next day. pero i'm more effective that way eh.. ganun tlga ako.

Madali akong mairita, maikli lng pasensha ko. pero marami akong kaibigan... ganun tlga ako.

Wiz ang lovelife ko.. ni jackson wala.. pero masaya ako kc mdaming crush.. ganun tlga ako...

Kulong ako, hindi mkagalaw nang base sa gusto ko.. pero tinitiis ko, mahal ko cla eh. ganun tlga ako..

kelan pa ko

hindi magiging ako?

sana malapit na..

tampururot.

2004-10-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

kilala mo kung sino ka!

beq naman, wag ka nang magtampo ha! senxa na kung wala tlga ako nung kailangan mo ko!!
malapit na pasko.. malapit na rin bday mo! hehe..!

wala na kong masabi! basta, love you po! mwah! ;()

being a com arts student and sober..

2004-09-30T01:42:00.000-07:00

no, i didn't get wasted this week. i was such a good girl, all i thought about were my papers, readings and exams. i can't believe it..

i get irritated sometimes when people tell me "shet, hell week ko ngaun. daming exams!"
as if siya lang ang estudyante.. like, haller?!? yes, compared to their lessons, mine are much easier.. but you don't have to tell me those things. it's like saying that i'm stupid, indirectly nga lng.

i miss gimiks and rhumcoke.. i'm so tired of pretentious people.
the world would be a better place without them..

scared shitless

2004-09-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

bakit b gnon?! ayoko n tlga! sawang sawa nkong umiwas! naiirita n tlga ako! tama na..!! pag ako tlga.. shet!!

i wanna break away from you!! i don't know how or when, but i just know that i have to.. i have to keep my sanity.. coz i've been living my life in misery. pakshet!!

"i have to escape.."

reminiscing

2004-09-22T02:38:00.000-07:00

it's wednesday already..

yet, I havn't seen my friends.. switah, magparamdam ka!

hesel, miss you na,tol! kita nman tau! pakshet!

i miss the old times.. un lng.

why did I let it pass me by?

2004-09-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

shit.

another opportunity down the drain.. and to think that all of them were there..

I wish I was somebody else right now. just for a fucking day. I want to know how it feels like when somebody isn't breathing down your neck and putting a harness on you.. how great it is to know that nobody's watching your every move.

now I know.. life is only good half the time..

the other half is spent in misery, regret and full-blown rage and fury..

I don't want to be me right now.

is he or is he not?

2004-09-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

of all the people to ask..

he asked me if i could come over..

haha. he needs me.
i wish!

remnants of a dream

2004-09-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

I was about to perform (i didn't just sing.. hehe.)..
there were at least a hundred people chillin'
they were all excited and in the mood for mingling and greeting some new faces..

but me..

i had my eyes for only one.

so as I sang my song.. I looked around the crowd, searching for him..
and while the words came out of my mouth, my heart was singing with me.. as if pleading for him to look and gaze back at me.

he did. the feeling wasn't mutual, i know.. but still, he looked at me.. stared until I sang the very last word. and that's exactly how I felt.

torn.

i lost all hope in him. but still, the feeling is there.. until another came along. I was having so much fun, although I was already wasted and brandy flowed in my veins instead of blood.. suddenly, i noticed somebody else looking at me. he had amazing eyes and i can't help but look back..

i'm not the maria clara type so i went over and started chatting.. and drinking and sharing a cigarette with him and asking him about his life.. for short, i flirted. i'm a flirt, yes.. he drank my 'tagay' coz i cudn't take it already.. if he was between sweet and brotherly at that time.. i cudn't tell. i wanted to tell him i like him.. haha. i've seen him before but i met him only that night..

and until now, i can't stop getting all excited when i think of him.. i guess it's just a crush, but i want to be with him again..

what about the other guy? well, he's just too quiet for me and he doesn't flirt.. it's a major turn-off..

i guess, that's about it.

(this post is a product of my being disturbed, paranoid and a little bit horny.. don't blame me, blame the hormones and my twisted,sick mind.. yeah bah.)

another disappointment.

2004-09-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

sabi ko n nga ba, it wudnt last long..

kaya nga bah hanggang jackson lng hnahanap ko eh.. ayokong ma-feel toh..

pain? remorse? pain. pero hndi ren eh..
hahaha. im crazy..

next pls. mahaba ang pila..!!

"what should i do, just lay next to you, as though im unaffected.."

one bad trip..

2004-09-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

putanginangtarantado! hayop tlaga! leche! wag nang mgpakita sken ang mga putanginang playaz na yan! pepe kayo! tangna!!!

hail to the past: part II

2004-09-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

chong, what's happening?

we rarely see each other.. the five of us are.. fading away..
ayokong magdrama.. kila2 nyo ko sa ganyan..

pero this time, it's different..

it's US we're talking about.. not some tambay sa kanto na nakisindi lng ng yosi..

I miss you so much. I really do.. khit si switah.. hehehe...

especially switah. kami p nman inseperable dati..

hai.

hail to the past.

I know, right?

2004-09-07T04:16:00.000-07:00

I hate it when they say "i told you"..

it just means that I'm a fucking idiot for not listening to them.
last week was so fun.. spontaneous, even...

but now..

so

many

things

to

do..!!

I used to be good at balancing everything.. acads, org, nightlife, dormlife (can u blieve it?) and everything else that matters in my 18 years of existence..

it seems as if i've lost track of everything I have to do..
of everything that has a deadline..

I have to return to the old me.. the one who used to be in control..

shit.

what the fuck is happening to me.. i feel so pressured all the time..!

help..!!!!

no, things can't fall apart.. the world can't go against me now.
not now... just when things are starting to get better and i feel so good about myself.. pls..

not now.

The bliss of not doing anything

2004-09-02T04:03:00.000-07:00

i've been enjoying this week..

no papers, no exams, no quizzes.. it's pure bliss
i know next week will be another reason not to keep my hopes up

but still..

i enjoyed this week.. im going to watch the concert tomorrow and go to dish on saturday..
hard core tomorrow, acoustic on saturday..

it's gonna be great! ......roar......!!!

it fucking hurts..

2004-08-27T03:53:00.000-07:00

I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak And this bottle of beast Is taking me home I'm cuddling close To blankets and sheets But you're not alone, and you're not discreet Make sure I know who's taking you home I'm reading your note over again There's not a word that I comprehend Except when you signed it, "I will love you always and forever." Well, as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs And sit alone and wonder How you're making out But as for me I wish that I were anywhere with anyone Making out I'm missing your laugh How did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending I am alone In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak And this bottle of beast Is taking me home Your hair, it's everywhere Screaming infidelities And taking its wear

hypochondriac.. but of a different kind.

2004-08-25T05:30:00.000-07:00

what's with this day..?!!?
i feel sick.. as usual.

my throat hurts from too much smoke.. but what the hell, ur only young once in ur life..
i hate this place.. wish i could go somewhere else.

fuck it, i'm not even enjoying this. i'm out.

tired of this shit.

2004-08-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

"hey, you.. you know who the hell you are.. what's taking you so long?! i've been around for 2 freakin' years in your life already.. it's as if i'm not even there.."

ever felt this way? as if you are completely (well, not completely.. but you get my drift..) ignored by the person you really like..?!
i've been feeling that way for a long time now, but hey, i'm not in-love with him.. not yet anyway.

if only i had the guts to say to him: "oist, gusto tlga kita. astig k kc chka hindi ka plastic. mabait pa at matalino.. not to mention, pogi pah.. no, seryoso ako, gusto tlga kita.. mtagal na, hindi ko lang masabi sayo kc.. baka hindi mo ko pansinin.."

shit, if life was only that easy..

I hate this feeling, naaawa ako sa sarili ko.. pero hindi mo kelangang maawa sakin.. ayokong kaawaan mo ko.. ok?

i really like you. please say something.

teach me.

2004-08-17T18:25:00.000-07:00

i wanna learn how to drive..

how to play the drums
with the hopes of slimming down but still rocking on..

how to breakdance..
how to ride the skateboard
with those tricks which blow your mind..

how to make that 'bridge' with a cigarette..

would somebody teach me?

what could be more than "da best"?

2004-08-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

i'll tell you what's even greater than da best..

the concert last night at the folk arts theater..!!! dude, if you weren't there, you missed half of your life! another one of those nights which you play over and over in your mind, surrounded with great music and even greater people. thanx ulet kuya jay and the rest of the gang! i consider you my masters from now on! hahaha!

just seeing doug's gorgeous body makes me want to scream my head off! haha!
for those who don't know what im saying, i have one word for you:

HOOBASTANK.

last night.. da best..!!!

2004-08-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

here's the thing, I didn't get drunk last night..

I didn't even dance much..
but it was one of the best nights of my life ever!

I was with my friends, we had fun, or better yet, we made fun of those who got really drunk..

bangenge..!! hahaha!

and there was this guy who I danced with...

we sort of connected.. hahaha! his ___ connected with my ____...!!!! hahaha!
in fairness, sometimes, size does matter..

bwahehehe!

roar...!!!
piz!

definitely, absolutely, ultimately craving..

2004-08-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

I miss thursday's gimik night with friends..

I miss wearing my mini-skirt and 'switah' sandals, drinking rhumcoke and beer..

I miss IC'S bar and even the cafe..
the playaz all around, drinking and dancing to the tune of their favorite hiphop beats..

i miss my 'jacksons' and the possibility of hooking up with one on a thursday night!!!

I miss it all!!

now, get ready coz when I come back... haha..
you won't know what hit you..!!

let's get it on..

....roar!

feel n feel ko ngayon toh ah..

2004-08-11T03:35:00.000-07:00

iba toh..

i don't want to anticipate anything..
bka isa png disappointment to pero ok lang..

hada lng ng hada..!

jackson lang ng jackson!!
hanggang sa mapagod ang putanginang puso na mghintay...

for something great to happen.. pero wla..

just go with the flow....

play on, playah..

yeah bah.

the reason why... part2

2004-08-11T02:42:00.000-07:00

well.. here we go again..

the same fucking story, the same old excuses..
it's gona be interesting how it's all going to turn out..

we'll see...
but for the mean time...

putang ina, utang na loob, ika'y mag-ayos muna.. don't waste it, gurl..

life is good.. it's fucking good..

trust me..

love sucks dicks

2004-08-09T04:49:00.000-07:00

love is like every good-looking guy I see...

they suck dicks...
love is liberating.. so liberating that they suck dicks..

it sucks coz they suck dicks...

coz I'm waiting for someone special...

but as it turns out..
he sucks dicks...

size doesn't matter..
it's the performance that counts...

but hell...!!!

they suck dicks...!!!!

why?

2004-08-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

i told you to let it go..

somehow, u will be together again...
but you just had to leave, right?

you just had to ignore the fact that..

I don't have anybody to talk to when I get home every weekend

or the fact that your sister is going to miss you like hell..

or that your mom would go crazy and maybe kill herself (wait, exag na un..)

pero the point is: you left me.. ME!! the one who was with you ever since we were born..

tangna.. i can't blame you for what u did.. i guess im just so fucking sad and i'll feel all alone when i come back.. home..

hell, i can't even call it 'home' anymore..

fuck it, i'm out.

sometimes, love isn't enough..

2004-08-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

it's sad when you truly love someone, but you just can't be together anymore..

it's as if the forces of nature are against you and you just can't do anything but give up..
with the hope that you'll be together again soon..

i hope you read this, coz i know it's damn hard for you right now..

don't worry gurl, you'll have your time..
let it go now...

you'll see that there could still be a chance for the both of you..

maybe not now... but someday...

let

it

go

now...

it's the little things that matter the most

2004-08-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

bad trip tlga ako nung day na yon, tipong... ewan!
parang ayoko muna umuwi samen.. hndi ako mkpg-aral..

pero a small token of appreciation from two special people changed all that..

grabe, sobrang saya ko nung umuwi ako that day from class, ang balak ko lng talaga non eh matulog..
pero nung pagtingin ko sa kama ko, there it was..

as i opened the package, i thought to myself.. sana this is something that could make my day..

and it truly was! alam ko siguro nahirapan ung dalawa sa pagkuha non for me, or baka hndi ren kc

they have their way with people, if you know what i mean...

so to you, if you could read this, thank you so much! i appreciate it tlga..!

you two are the kind of people who are for keeps.. as cheesy as it may sound.. ;() thank you...

shet..!!! lupet tlga ni duncan..!!!

2004-08-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

i swear.. if there was anyone i wanted to spend the last minute of my life with (aside from my mom)...

it would be duncan.. as in duncan of south border..!
i was disappointed coz i wasn't able to watch their concert in our campus..

but i watched the all stars concert at the folk arts and guess who the finale was..?!

SOUTH BORDER!!

i was so taken by that good-looking guy wearing a bonnet..!!! hahahaha!

"show me what you got, take me to the spot.."

huhuhu.... y? how can u be so cruel..?!

2004-07-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

bkit gnon?!

kala ko mtutupad ung pangarap ko..
hindi pa pala.. maybe someday..

sana soon..! huhuhu..
it's not my day today..!!!!

hmpf..

ayiiii!!! sarap ng feeling!!

2004-07-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

one of my idols just replied to my message..

khit friendster lng un..!! saya!

sana magkita kmi.. one time, big time lng..!
i'm so happy today..!!!

asteeg!!

"i have been waiting for you all night, under the glow of the satellite.."

utang na loob, set me free..!!!

2004-07-27T19:21:00.000-07:00

i'm officially 18..

i'm an adult now.. ready to face whatever life throws at me..
but sadly.. there are some people who can't see that.

they still think i can't handle myself..

like walking across the street, going home late, sleeping over..
tangna.. tumatanda nko.. sana mkita nila na hindi na ko bata at gusto ko nmang ma-experience ang mga bagay na wala sa loob ng kumbento..

hindi ako sa kumbento nkatira, pero prang gnon n nga rin..

utang na loob.. just let me go..!!!

rockstar syndrome

2004-07-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

hay nko.. eto nnmn ako..

ang kapal ng mukha ko...! pero i'm not a wannabee ha! i'm a true-blue rock addict!

rakista hanggang mamatay.. gustong makilala ang mga malulupit na musikero ng bagong henerasyon..
kaya nga lng.. it's as if.. it's only the guys that interest me as of this moment..

gago n kung gago.. pero i wanna meet those vocalists, guitarists and drummers who make my life bearable..

just ask them a thing or two about their humble beginnings, their mom, their cars or even how they like their coffee..

i wanna have that opportunity to spend even just a day with them.. khit bago man lang ako mamatay..

asus! as if..!! ammmmmmp!

thank God.. have a birdie to me!

2004-07-26T16:14:00.001-07:00

so, it was saturday morning..

i wasn't excited to go home, knowing that everything i wanted to happen that day wasn't about to (gets?)..

i was angry at baby boy for not giving the money.. angry at baby gurl for not doing anything about it.. angry at myself for feeling that way when i know that im supposed to be happy coz it's my damn birthday..

so i arrived at my house and went to sleep..

i woke up because there was chaos downstairs.. wait.. to make the long story short, I HAD A BLAST!! my tita's bought booze and food, my friends came over.. and for the first time in 6 days, i was truly and utterly happy..!!

thanx to those who came, i love you guys and will treasure you forever..

to those who didn't or wasn't able to.. there's always next year (pero iba p rin kpag debut.. db?)..

sa mga bumati at ngsayang ng load.. SALAMAT! muchas gracias..!

i'm 18 and allowed to bring havoc upon people who didn't, doesn't and won't treat me nicely..

piz! i'm out!

jacksons.. where are you?!

2004-07-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

eto ha..

ng-enjoy tlga ako kgbi.. khit na sobrng tinamaan ako sa red horse at rhumcoke..

masayang kakwen2hn at kakantahan ung mga kasama ko...

pero hindi ko siya nakita..

oo, ni hindi ko sha naabutan sa ic's.. hmpf!
miss ko na sha.. khit na hindi kmi mshado close.. i rily like him..

"his name alone perfumes the Earth"

sobrang.. hmm.. yum..

hehehe.. joke! pero seryoso, tagal ko ng my gusto skanya..

pero he doesn't seem to notice.
ganito n ata tlga buhay ko eh.. TIGANG..

gudluck sken..

birthday nga bah..?!

2004-07-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

i know this might sound pessimistic.. pero i don't feel lyk it's my birthday.. of course it's not yet my birthday today.. but im not excited about it..

although i should be excited coz it's my debut and i'm celebrating it with my friends tonight..

but the feeling's not there..!

maybe i depended too much on the bash that i was supposed to have on saturday.. but due to personal monstrosities.. i guess walang mngyayari on saturday..

cmon, it's my debut.. im turning 18..

but still, i don't feel excited at all.. it's just not a happy debut for me..

i don't know why..

help..

i feel so sick

2004-07-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

this day sucks..

i wish i could just lie in bed the whole day..

it feels as if my head is breaking in two...

i hate this feeling. i can't read, can't sleep, can't stand, can't smoke, can't talk..

it sucks..!!!
wish i could just ignore the pain.

and to think that i have to dance tomorrow makes it even worse..

wish me luck.

i hate playaz..!!!

2004-07-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

tangina nman oh..

just when i thought mah friend could be happy with you..

i even encouraged her to go for it..

ayoko ng gnito.. ayokong ginagago mga kaibigan ko..
tangina kaung lahat ng gumago, gumagago at gagago samin..

fuck ya'll..